Momline Dating: Lame Things Guys Say When They're Breaking Up With You: "So we're taking a break for now. But you’re staying tonight, right?” Vixen Says: (after an astonished pause) “Literally – FUCK NO!"

Friday, August 3, 2012

Lame Things Guys Say When They're Breaking Up With You: "So we're taking a break for now. But you’re staying tonight, right?” Vixen Says: (after an astonished pause) “Literally – FUCK NO!"

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...You Simply MUST Read My Tales of the Bizarre World of Online Dating!

Hello, My Fellow Fabulous Vixens! I am Stephanie Wilder, a soccer mom with three teen-aged sons who became a single mom at a "finely-vintaged" age.

Please join me on my "Ms.-adventures" as I leave the safe shores of marriage and navigate the murky waters of online dating. As you explore this site, you may well ask yourself: "Is this a GUIDE - or a WARNING?"

Find out what it's like to deal with:

- A dating service that matches you up with your lying scumbag ex;

- That twilight phase in a woman's life where a missed period could mean pregnancy - or menopause;

- Taking a pregnancy test at 49 - and not being able to see the results without your reading glasses;

- Trying to squeeze into a "sexy" corset by turning your belly and underarm fat into bigger boobs;

- A message from a dating service that says: "Jesus Thinks You're HOT!"

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!

You will be AMAZED at the jaw-droppingly awful pictures these guys post. I am serious when I say that straight men simply do not know how to put their "best face forward." I did not create, PhotoShop or alter these pictures in any way. Seriously, I could not make this stuff up. Every one of them is authentically bad. As in Guys-with-ZZ-Top-beards-in-jerseys-that-are-too-small-to-cover-their-bellies bad. As in blurry-shirtless-selfies-taken-in-gas-station-men's-room-mirrors bad. As in sticking-out-a-pierced-tongue-as-they-flip-off the-camera bad.

Don't be surprised if you find yourself trying to bitch-slap them through your screen. Please let me know if you succeed in creating an app for it. Of course, as a public service to you, I have provided my own snipey, snarky captions for your entertainment and enlightenment.

Enjoy the "Lame-Things-Guys-Say" Feature. You know those snappy comebacks to guys' stupid comments you thought of - when it was too late? Here are some I've created as verbal nutshots to the idiot bastard who saw fit to hurt you. If you need me to go to his house and kick his ass, just say the word.

(Pause to adjust bra: adjust adjust.)

AND AS A BONUS: Be Sure to Play the "Spot-the- Windex-Bottle" Game! For some ungodly reason, some men have included spray bottles in their pics. Yeah, I know, right? So we'll make it a game: Where's Windex? Prizes will be given to the Vixens who find the most sprayers. If you can figure out WHY they're there, then you know a lot more about men than I ever did and maybe you can leave some helpful comments for the rest of us.

Enjoy, Vixens, Enjoy! I hope you have as much fun exploring this site as I did creating it! Whoever or wherever you are, whatever you're going through, I enfold you in a big Vixen hug.

Stay Fabulous, Darlings!

Stephanie,
aka "Mama Vixen"

Here are Some FABULOUS Reviews!

THE AMAZING ARTIST ANNE TAINTOR has this to say about www.fabulousvixen.com:

"I've saved this site! I'm so old now (I haven't been 40-odd for 5 years) that I can't even remember lusting after a young guy, but I enjoyed reading about it. Again, thanks!" - See the link to her website below.

"Warning: do not read this blog on a full bladder!" - Vicki M., Massachusetts

"Miss Thang!!!! I LOVE your blog! . . . You have a much less aggressive way of telling people off than us New Yorkers. . . May/December romances are back in, so go for that bag boy! or maybe wait until the braces come off. . . - Tamar S., New York

"You funny vixen you! I'm laughing my ass off! Website and content is AWESOME!! . . . Woo hoo!" - Lynn G., California

"Lol I loved it!" - "Sean S.," California, who is the subject of "G-d Bless Ye, Ass-Men, Everywhere."

"Just read your new blog entries and I was EN-ER-GIZED! I feel just like the Eveready Bunny — I could read on and on. Keep the cougar on the hunt!" - Cindy K., Oregon

"A lit-up, fun-lovin`, adventurous and hip lady!" - Eloise H., New York

"I can't stop laughing! What a delight you are! I try to be a good little SAHM (Stay at Home Mom) . . . And then I read your 'The Mayonnaise Mafia' (essay) and was astounded by your wit and insight. . . Thank you for the breath of fresh air. I needed that. I wish I had a neighbor exactly like you. You rock!" - "Silly SAHM (Stay At Home Mom)" USA

"Wow! Your blog is a blast!!! Mama Vixen, you have such keen, funny observations!" - Holly V., California