Just a casual disclosure in the middle of our first phone our first telephone conversation after meeting online. I was taken aback when he let that tidbit about semen fly (no pun intended). Bodily fluids – already? But I figured, OK, maybe he’s a little nervous. Give him a chance. I did notice the conversation was not reciprocal – he would talk, then I would, but instead of a response to what I said, he would pick up right where he left off talking.
As if I had interrupted him. Hmmm.
We were scheduled to
meet up at a restaurant for brunch. He showed up for a first date riding a bike
and wearing a sweat-stained gray t-shirt with cargo shorts. Really? Here I had fretted about the
microscopic separation of my lower eyelashes, and he had simply put on the
first schmattahs that were clean. He announced that, since he rode
his bicycle there, he wasn’t hungry any longer and wanted to get coffee.
First of all, I
didn’t care much for a unilateral change of plans, especially when it involves
brunch. I don’t know about you, but to me Sunday brunch is sacred – Thou
shalt honor the lox and bagels and keep them holey, saith Me. But without so much
as an “I hope you don’t mind”, he walked his bike to the café. It just so
happened that I did mind skipping my sacred brunch, and I minded again
when he picked an outdoor table without asking if I had a preference. (I
would've chosen an indoor table because it was a little chilly, thank you very
much.) But I chose to say nothing to see where this would go.
Gentlemen readers: I
would've thrown up a red flag for unsportsmanlike behavior if I thought he
could get a penalty.
And Vixens, I’m not
being huffy because the guy didn’t show up at my door dressed up, carrying a
single rose, open the car door for me, then lay his jacket down on a puddle,
lest I soil my petite shoe. We’re talking basic courtesy here. Besides, how
could he treat a fabulous person like myself as if I were luggage to be
toted around?
He obviously didn’t
recognize quality.
He talked about his
life, his job, his time in the service – apparently, there was
nothing interesting about my life that he wanted to hear. And then he opened
what is known as “The Ex-Files.”
Dating 101: you do
NOT talk about past relationships until you’ve been on at least three dates, or
survived that awkward first kiss, whichever comes first. But this guy didn't
have any problem describing sex-with-his-ex as “biblical.” Hence, the semen
reference of the day before.
He talked of how he
nurtured this alcoholic through breast cancer – surgery, treatment, the works –
and I thought, OK, he’s basically a good guy.
When he started
talking about the incisions that were made on her nipple, I had finally had
enough:
“Excuse me, but why
are you telling me such personal information about your ex-girlfriend?”
He blinked,
dumbstruck.
“Oh, I thought you’d
want to know how loyal and caring I was,” he replied.
“That’s wonderful.
But do you want to know anything about the woman sitting in front of you?” I
asked.
“Wha – “
“You haven’t asked me
one question about myself. You switched restaurants, picked an outdoor table,
all without asking. Do I have anything to say here?” I know I was blunt, but
what did I have to lose?
He sputtered that he
had sent me a text about the change of plans, which, by the way, I never got.
Finally he said, “I guess we should go our separate ways.” Maybe he thought I
wouldn’t call his bluff, but he seemed surprised when I said, OK. We shook
hands again, and parted, having had two completely different dates.
Here’s what I
learned:
This is the kind of
self-absorbed twit who I used to give a second chance, like “Maybe he’s not all
that bad.” WRONG! Good thing I cut
cargo early enough to save myself a lot of grief.
Second, I didn’t
sugarcoat what I didn’t like. I wasn't worried about coming off like a bitch.
If it’s broke, and you can’t fix it, why not be honest? Who knows? Maybe he’ll
learn something.
Yeah, right.
When I got home, I
opened an email from him that simply read: “Arrogant response, for sure.”
“Arrogant!” I’ve never been called that before!
Wow! This is so cool! I’m going take this “Arrogant” thing out for a
spin.
I like it already.
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