Sunday, August 12, 2012

"Cheat Sheet" for Online Profiles of Straight Men

“Wicked sense of humor”            - Asshole.

“Loves long walk at the               - Cheap
beach and quiet nights at             bastard.
home, cuddling in front
of the fire.”

"ISO a real connection               - Must have
with possible life partner."           ginormous

"My friends say I'm funny."        - Long-winded.
“Stocky build.”                          - Unable to see his  
                                                   own toes.
“Loves outdoor                          - Prepare to
activities.”                                   clean a lot of fish.
“Passionate about life.”             - Has a temper.

“I believe in achieving               - Super-critical.
the goals I set for myself.”             

(Response to question):             - "I'm creating an aura
“I’ll tell you later.”                       of mystery, since I
                                                  don't have any     
                                                  interesting stories.  
                                                  Is it working?"

“I’m honest to a fault.”              - Smug and rude.

“I consider myself a bit             - Clingy.
of a romantic.”

“Relaxed, easy-going                - Couch potato.
I am an active semi-               - "I'm looking for a
retired male who likes               future caregiver." 
to play golf."                       

See anything you like, ladies?