Lame Guy: I love you. Really, I do. I'm just not in love with you anymore, and I don't know how to tell you. Even if I did, that would make me look like the bad guy. So instead, I'll just withdraw from you. You know, stuff like act all distant, answer you with shrugs, stop doing little nice things for you, withhold affection, the usual. It's a basic protest strategy, like staging a sit-in.
When you demand that I tell you what's wrong, I'll act like I don't know what you're talking about. You'll start yelling at me, and that's my opportunity to accuse you of being hysterical. I'm almost out of the woods! Because then, you'll finally break up with me - what took you so long? - which is what I wanted in the first place. It's my "Get-Out-of-Jail" card: now I can tell all my friends that you dumped me, and that you're emotionally unbalanced. It's a Win-Win all around for me. I should get a lot of mileage out of that, especially with the la-a-a-a-dies!
I'm going to start acting like an asshole now - I should be single by summer.
I wish it weren't such a painful process. It's a shame men and women can't communicate better with each other.
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